Bag of Beans

I just had to post this. This is one of the oddest videos I’ve seen.

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This is a hilarious transcript of a naive script-kiddie being baited into trashing their own machine.

<Elch> You’re a real computer expert
<bitchchecker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<bitchchecker> tell me your network number man then you’re dead
<Elch> Eh, it’s 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that’s it: 127.0.0.1 I’m waiting for you great attack
<bitchchecker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I’m frightened

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Improv Everywhere (the group that invaded Best Buy earlier this year, previously posted here) strikes again. This time they got over 200 people to shop in slow motion inside Home Depot, and captured some hilarious videos.

After everyone had assembled I revealed the mission details. We would sychronize our watches and then walk over to Home Depot and shop. At exactly 4:15 we would all begin moving in slow motion. We’d do that for five minutes, and then shop normally for five minutes as if nothing had happened. At exactly 4:25 we would all freeze in place for five minutes. When that was over we would go back to normal and eventually leave the store.

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These totally cracked me up. Now you can feel like you are playing a FPS all the time!

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500+ reviews at Amazon.com and growing…

Not good for roof leaks, August 4, 2006
I had a problem where my roof was leaking. I poured some Tuscan Whole Milk over it to seal it up and it just flowed right into the hole and didn’t do anything. I now have milk constantly dripping down from the ceiling and it has stained the drywall as well. The milk trapped in the ceiling is now rancid and smells horrible. It has also induced a pest infestation problem. The pest control company won’t deal with it because of the odor is unbearable in the house. My wife and children are now leaving me as well. This product has ruined my life. Do not buy this product, I suggest some roof caulking or tar instead.

Bizarre yet true, August 4, 2006
I drank the entire 128 fl oz in one gulp, and for the next 43 minutes and twelve seconds I could divide by zero. The taste is okay, but what makes it worth the shipping is the ability it confers: the ability to defy the laws of mathmatics with impunity.

Container problem, August 4, 2006
I ordered a gross of these containers last week and they have just arrived today. They were each filled to the top with the strangest white substance, but there appears to be some sort of tamper-proof seal on each container’s top to prevent the liquid’s leakage. Of course, I know not exactly if these tops are, in literal fact, “tamper-proof” - instead of touching the accursed things, I have taken to hiding behind my windows and fitfully peering at them through the blinds - but I would imagine that no one would dare imprison such filth without a modicum of security in their foul investment, and as this is such good reasoning on a topic so difficult as to probably inspire other, lesser guesses, we may comfortably take my thoroughly well-reasoned imaginings as long-established fact, and I would furthermore postulate that my well-reasoned imaginings are so thoroughly factual as to now appear in all manner of books to be read by the intelligent and the yearning-to-be.

That said, the gross of containers still sits on my lawn, still filled, not yet moving - or doing anything else. God only knows what that “else” may be, or when it shall come. The flatmate above my basement mutters strange talk of “cheese” and “rotting” in relation to these containers. I am saddened; quickly, endless terror seizes upon me and threatens to swallow me whole. Clearly, the liquid creates madness, and as he is ceased upon by this liquid madness, I must remain here, in my basement apartment, surrounded on all sides by my totems, by my protective symbols, and by what must be now hundreds of little Post-Its reminding me not to look out the window at the angel-white madness-jugs.

But curses. Here I am looking at them.

As for you, dear reader, I ask that you not only never order these containers, but that you also send me $5, for I have no job and no one wishes to publish my tome.

It is a spy novel about magic and how I am magical myself, and it is very good.

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Well this has been around for a while but somebody just posted it to reddit. If you haven’t had the pleasure of seeing what truly terrible writing is like…enjoy!

The weather beaten trail wound ahead into the dust racked climes of the baren land which dominates large portions of the Norgolian empire. Age worn hoof prints smothered by the sifting sands of time shone dully against the dust splattered crust of earth. The tireless sun cast its parching rays of incandescense from overhead, half way through its daily revolution. Small rodents scampered about, occupying themselves in the daily accomplishments of their dismal lives. Dust sprayed over three heaving mounts in blinding clouds, while they bore the burdonsome cargoes of their struggling overseers.

“Prepare to embrace your creators in the stygian haunts of hell, barbarian”, gasped the first soldier.

“Only after you have kissed the fleeting stead of death, wretch!” returned Grignr.

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Some unfortunate choices for web addresses.

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TechBlog has posted a Top 10 list of some pretty crazy contraptions.  Anyone need a USB Floppy Disk Striped RAID?

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PC World has posted their list of the worst tech products they have seen since they began publishing.

Of course, most truly awful ideas never make it out of somebody’s garage. Our bottom 25 designees are all relatively well-known items, and many had multimillion-dollar marketing campaigns behind them. In other words, they were made by people who should have known better. In fact, three of the ten worst were made by Microsoft. Coincidence? We think not.

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Roedy Green has written a hilarious essay on the worst programming transgressions imaginable.

In the interests of creating employment opportunities in the Java programming field, I am passing on these tips from the masters on how to write code that is so difficult to maintain, that the people who come after you will take years to make even the simplest changes. Further, if you follow all these rules religiously, you will even guarantee yourself a lifetime of employment, since no one but you has a hope in hell of maintaining the code. Then again, if you followed all these rules religiously, even you wouldn’t be able to maintain the code!

*shudder*

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This is pretty funny. A group of around 80 people dressed in blue shirts and khaki pants infiltrated a Best Buy store and assisted customers…until the store employees noticed one of their hidden cameras, freaked out and called the cops.

The idea for this mission was submitted by a stranger via email. Agent Slavinsky wrote in to suggest I get either a large group of people in blue polo shirts and khakis to enter a Best Buy or a group in red polo shirts and khakis to enter a Target. Wearing clothing almost identical to the store’s uniform, the agents would not claim to work at the store but would be friendly and helpful if anyone had a question. There aren’t any Targets in Manhattan, so I decided to go with the two-story Best Buy on 23rd Street.

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This is a video of some freakin’ brilliant Rube Goldberg machines. Brings back memories of The Incredible Machine.

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This blog has a great collection of optical illusions. Check out this fantastic piece of sidewalk chalk art:

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Alex Papadimoulis has posted a truly stunning code excerpt to The Daily WTF. It was originally from a routine used to convert a byte array to hexadecimal. I guess if your boss insists on using Lines of Code as a performance metric, this is one way to be “productive.”

You may have guessed by the title, but today’s example is from one of the more complex realms of mathematics and computer science: hexadecimal. Today’s example is actually the sixth post of its kind. David H’s former colleague now holds the “hex” prize for using no less than 5,000 lines to convert a byte array to hexadecimal, something which could normally be done with a single line of Java code …

WTF indeed.

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Infoverse has an entertaining proposal to replace the decimal numbering system with the octal system. They’ve come up with new set of digits and a new system for time-measurement.

do you think our conventional decimal number system is perfect? if not…this is for you: a new octal_based mathematics_system for the information age.

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Cockeyed.com has a disturbing story where a guy tears up a credit card application he received in the mail into smallish pieces, tapes it all back togther, and then fills it in. He even changes his return address to his parent’s home, and sends it back to the credit card company. Amazingly, the application is accepted and they send him a new credit card!

On the Chase Website about protecting your identity, I learned that I should tear up financial solicitations that I am not interested in.

This was bad news. Maybe my card would never come.

I also checked the Federal Trade Commission website on protecting your identity.

They suggested that I “tear or shred” credit applications and other forms before discarding them.

…

Things worked out just fine for me, I got my card, and I’m happy. But for you, you might be worried right now. Every credit card application you get is now like a villain from a suspense thriller. If you don’t figure out how to completely destroy it, it may come back to terrorize you in the sequel.

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This is a cool optical illusion you can download, print out and construct yourself. The dragon appears to move its head to follow the observer. Check out the video to see the illusion in action. If you put it together yourself, close one eye and move your head around to see the effect. Wild.

How does it work? If we move around when viewing a solid object, our brain knows how the object we are looking at should behave. However the dragon gives us the wrong clues, because we mis-interpret what its shape is. We assume that the nose of the dragon is pointing out towards us, but in fact the dragon’s head is concave.

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This is a fantastic and hilarious comic set in the Half-Life universe and rendered using the Half-Life 2 engine along with Garry’s Mod.

Concerned is the story of Gordon Frohman, former Black Mesa entry-level employee, survivor of the Portal Storms and the Seven Hour War, and now earnest and hard-working citizen of City 17. Frohman is a simple guy trying to earn an honest buck in a post-apocalyptic world ruled mercilessly by hordes of heavily armed alien hybrid soldiers (called Combine) bent on draining the Earth of its last natural resource and exterminating the human race. He also enjoys playing backgammon.

Gordon Frohman arrives on the scene a few weeks before Doctor Gordon Freeman — scientist, hero, anti-citizen, and star of Half-Life and Half-Life 2 — first appears in City 17. Due to the similarity in their names, Frohman is often initially mistaken for the crowbar-wielding Freeman, though due to Frohman’s chatty nature and general incompetence the error is usually sorted out fairly quickly.

Very funny and incredibly well done.

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